There is a point where kindness starts keeping records. Not because it wants payment. Because it needs proof. Proof that it answered. Proof that it stayed. Proof that it explained the same thing with different words until the words stopped meaning anything.
A wake, a locked door, and the difference between agreement and acceptance.
The mistake is thinking competence makes you safe. It does not. Competence makes you attractive to panic. If you are calm, people will try to pour themselves into you. If you can hold a line, they will lean on it until it bends. If you can explain, they will keep asking until your explanation becomes reassurance. Then reassurance becomes dependency. Then dependency calls itself trust.
There is a difference between judgement and contempt. Judgement helps you build standards. Contempt helps you build a personality around being above people. When someone shows you exactly how not to be, take the lesson and leave the rest behind.